The Dragon in Our Story - Building Patterns

Is Addiction Real?

Lately, I have heard some question the reality of such established ideas as habit-forming behaviors and the process of change. They say because you can’t show any obvious external force that makes you act out negatively, we do these things because we really believe that's who we are. Therefore, all you need to do to change is change your mind; just stop.

I call BS. Anyone who casually pushes the frivolous, shallow thought that addiction doesn't exist in the face of the countless individuals who have fought for years and years to overcome destructive behaviors should be ashamed. Anyone in that group, I'm calling you out. Open your eyes.

Now to the rest of us, those who want to live lives of intention but have realized it's an uphill battle to do so at times. Bad habits, addiction, self-mastery - whatever name you put on it - yes, we all find it hard to do what we commit to! You're not broken for struggling too!

The Balance of Responsibility

But then who is to blame? Many people "beat themselves up" for repeated failures, when truthfully, the balance of responsibility for harmful actions in this world lies on several factors:

1. Our environment and the actions of those around us,
2. Our own personal actions/reactions,
3. Lastly, the dark, unseen adversary, actively seeking to influence us to misery.

Most accept the first two components, but few accept or even acknowledge the last, critical piece of this puzzle.

The Princess and the Dragon

Have you heard of the folktale called “The Ballad of the Princess and the Dragon?” In this story, a maiden’s husband goes off to war and dies, leaving her alone. She then starts seeing another man who leaves her eventually. In her pursuit of him, she ends up in a dragon’s den and gets burned to a crisp.

Who do you blame for the princess’ death?

When I first heard this story, I chose the princess. I recognized the foolish decisions she made and would contend firmly for the importance of owning up to our own actions. Many blame the husband, and it is true that his absence and the situation that developed had an impact on the maiden. Others choose the dragon, for it simply can’t be avoided that he is the one who actually kills the princess in the end. And while I do acknowledge the influence of others' actions and our surroundings and still believe strongly in taking responsibility for yourself, this story shows the importance of acknowledging the actual aggressors in life, even if ours may not visibly be seen.

The Real Dragon in our Story

Satan is the dragon in our story! Without him, the serpent "more subtle than any of the beasts of the field" (Genesis 3:1), there would be no danger. Yes, our own actions and the actions of others greatly influence our state of being, but he is arguably the only one who really wants evil for us, and he attempts it in any way possible. He is the one who whispers distracting, defeating thoughts of discouragement and deception. He is the one who would have you forget your true identity and wander into danger and mediocrity.

The book “Like Dragons Did They Fight” explains how these temptations and destructive thoughts are spoken not only to our minds in our own voice, but also to our subconscious minds in an almost imperceptible manner in an attempt to build up actual psychological pain and entrench us firmly in harmful patterns of addressing it.

The “Father of Lies” uses certain depressive, anxiety inducing flashes into our minds in an attempt to build up deviant chemicals at a level so gradual we don’t notice until it has gone too far. When it has grown too much to bear, he steps in again and suggests a pain-relieving action - pornography, overeating, lashing out, etc. - something we wouldn’t do in our right minds but now do without resistance in our compromised state.

Building Patterns

Thus, in the quick, easy results world of Google, DoorDash, and Netflix we live in, we have become accustomed to obtaining pleasurable but often less than positive outcomes with the tap of a finger. This isn't your fault. It's just the world we have found ourselves in. We need to train our brain to recognize the good in delayed gratification and intentional living.

Knowing who the true enemy is and the methods he uses, how can we now take action to break the destructive patterns he encourages? How can we use the same principles he inflicts on us to our advantage? Thankfully, research has shown again and again the tremendous power of our brains to change, to establish new patterns. If you want to live a more intentional life, you absolutely have the power to do so!

Every behavior can be structured into the cue, craving, response format, good and bad. The key to building good behaviors and breaking bad ones is to structure your life intentionally the way you want it to happen in those moments. Let’s look at some negative examples first and then explore how to potentially flip them constructively.

Step 1: Recognize Negative Patterns

As in each of these examples, you will clearly see patterns of locations, times, events, thoughts, and feelings in every negative behavior you trace back. What patterns can you recognize in yourself? Look back in detail on the last time you went against your values and identify the thoughts, feelings, times, places, and triggers leading up to the action.

Step 2: Interrupt the Process

As these examples illustrate, you must interrupt the patterns in these behaviors as early in the process as possible. This means getting away from the troubling environment if possible, giving yourself time to cool down and recollect mentally, and then address the painful thoughts and emotions in a positive way.

Step 3: Build and Refine New Patterns

Finally, you will need to practice and make adjustments to your plan to better fight these current battles and address new challenges. Preferably, a well thought out plan will eliminate the issue before it begins, such as by avoiding home alone or eating healthy food before going somewhere with lots of bad options. Your battle plan should, however, also include your response to those situations because they will likely still occur from time to time. There is no perfect solution for everyone. Because we fight an intelligent enemy, we will continue to face new unpleasant thoughts, feelings, and situations.

Have Patience, Enjoy the Process

Inevitably, when you start a new venture in hopes of learning a new skill or gaining new ground, it will initially start with a lot of discomfort and even pain. If you feel this way in your attempts to break long ingrained habits, THAT IS NATURAL! It sucks, I know. You will feel, as we all do, the cravings and withdrawal symptoms for a while as you try to recondition your body to conform to your mind and will.

However, if you continue stretching yourself, continue identifying negative patterns, interrupting them, and crafting more desirable, intentional patterns you will grow more and more capable over time. You will grow more and more into the kind of person you want to be.

You are Not the Enemy! Now Get Out There and Fight!

Get back to the dojo. Start training, and enjoy the process! Yes, we live in a TikTok, short attention, fast results world. It is what it is. But remember, addiction is real, and so is the adversary! You are not the enemy! You are a child of God and He has a work for you! We have a grand identity and purpose! We have earthly callings, precious eternal lives, and families to fight for! We have the power to rise above and live lives of righteous intention as warriors for Christ! Arise out of the dust and be men!!